You may not want to read this post. It may consist of word vomit that I just needed to get out. You may want to come back tomorrow when the mood is lighter. Consider yourself warned…
A couple of weeks ago on Gracie’s blog, I noticed she’s part of a new organization called Freely Be.
A couple of days ago, Gracie posted a Freely Be campaign called Kick the Habit. It begins today, August 1st, and continues throughout the rest of the month. The goal of Kick the Habit is simple: kick a bad habit to the curb.
It wasn’t hard to decide what I needed to rid my life of, but it took a couple of days to gain the courage to spill the beans and write this post.
So here goes nothing.
I’m not sure if I’m just having a bad month, but lately I am not happy with what I do. Going to work(which is school) every morning has become more than a chore, and I am beyond excited at the thought of graduating and moving on sooner rather than later. Going to school stresses me out.
I don’t think of myself as an easily stressed person. I like my exercise, ice cream, and jokes, which in the past have easily helped me combat any stress or sadness that has befallen me. Until now apparently.
While I am very excited to graduate, I have no idea what is next for me. Like absolutely no idea. at all. I’m a lost little girl. That stresses me out.
Sometimes I feel lost and foolish that I have no idea what I want for my career. And I let my thoughts get the best of me; I focus too much on worrying and stressing out about the future.
But that’s not all…
When I feel the stress from school and fear of the unknown future…I let that snowball. And I blow everything out of proportion. I stress that I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. I panic that I’m not going to be successful. I worry about money. I think about all the material possessions I don’t have.
And then I think who the hell is this girl? and damn she’s annoying.That’s not who I am at all. But I can’t seem to get rid of this beeyotch.
If it takes me a few more years to figure out what I want to do, then so be it. Success is measured by happiness, not by career, money, or anything else. What will be will be, and in the meantime, I just need to focus on being the best version of myself.
I suppose my Kick the Habit has multiple components. Ultimately I just want to get back to being myself: dial down the worry, live in the present, be positive, and take things one day at a time.
I don’t know where I heard this, but it’s true: Worrying is like a rocking chair. Sure, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere. And it’s about time I turn my focus into going somewhere.
Maybe I’m too worried and stressed, that I’m forgetting what I do have. I need to be more grateful for what I have, because I’m a very lucky girl. A wise man once told me that he wished we had nothing, because then at least we’d have eachother, and that’s all we really need and we would be happy. That wise guy happens to be my boyfriend. I don’t know when I started forgetting all the great things in my life, but it’s high time I get my thoughts in order.
I’m honestly not sure if anything I’ve written makes sense for the reader (or if anyone was brave enough to have gotten this far), but I think this Freely Be campaign came at the perfect time.
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”
So here goes nothing…